Glasgae
A woman goes to Doctor Angus McCrae in Glasgae, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.
The Doc asks: "What's the wee problem, Janet?
The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what tae do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens tae slap me aroond'."
The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When yer husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."
Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. She says: "Doctor that was brilliant! Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me nae even once!
Tell me Doc...wha's the secret? Hoo's the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "Janet ma pet, it's really nae big secret. The water does bugger all - it's keeping yer mouth shut that does the trick..."
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