Not new but still good

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one

said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,

"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a

beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all

her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded

approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted

you anyway."

 

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is

half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those

guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in,

"I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here

comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello

George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,

aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind

firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,

so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a

moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer

for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

 

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

 

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate

with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an

accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts

degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

 

Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have

designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look

at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The

nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one

said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run

a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

 

Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers

believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

 

Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and

said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,

picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and

said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay

with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled

at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss

me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do

anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and

put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?

I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one

week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,

"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking

frog - now that's cool."

 

Two engineers

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A

woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said  one engineer ,

"but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a spanner from her handbag, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid

the pole down on the ground.    Then she took a tape measure from her

bag, took a measurement,announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and

walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask

for the height and she gives us  the length!"

Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently

serving in the United States Congress.

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